Secret Headquarters

Life and thinking.

Month: August, 2013

Top 2 Tips as a new husband

  1. Invest into your marriage with energy and time.
  2. Pick up your clothes, take out the trash, do your chores.

Invest into it early and invest big. Got an opportunity to go out on a date even though you also have the option of doing extra hours at work? Go out on the date. Opportunity to buy flowers or a new car? Get the flowers! Don’t settle for materialistic unsatisfying stuff. Invest in the real stuff.
Chance to sleep in and not go anywhere that morning? Sleep in! And then make breakfast or go out for a breakfast date!

Now you’re married. Love her by serving her. Set the standard for yourself. Expect greater from yourself. She is worth it.



We argue…a lot.

My wife and I don’t always get along. In fact, we often upset the other person or we feel upset because of things said.

So we don’t per se argue. We don’t scream at each other. I’m not that kind of person.

We do upset each other and make each other feel bad. We don’t intend to and we hate it that we do. Except I think that this is a pretty common experience of marriages. I’m making a general blanket statement of all marriages based on one example. Mine.

We apologise. We forgive. There is more though.

We do need time to cool down.

We also need to debrief. Debriefing in the moment works sometimes except sometimes the solution is not possible because of our emotions. Emotions don’t just get solved.

So how do I finish an upsetting conversation?

Reassure my wife I love her. Kiss or hug or shoulder massage or wash the dishes. Then chill, take steps back and allow the situation to cool over.

Come back and talk without accusation. Don’t dig up old hurts but talk with a listening ear. Talk like people who have already forgiven.


Venture into the Marriage

So being married is awesome….I heard.

What I know is this. It is hard work. It does not always feel awesome. It is definitely worth it.

Not enough people give you a fair picture of what married life is like. You either get one extreme: it is a decision blinded by love OR it is all roses.

Two people coming together for extended hours I may liken to water and wind. It has intense power for good or bad but it is also just a vastness of everything in between.