We argue…a lot.

by habitang

My wife and I don’t always get along. In fact, we often upset the other person or we feel upset because of things said.

So we don’t per se argue. We don’t scream at each other. I’m not that kind of person.

We do upset each other and make each other feel bad. We don’t intend to and we hate it that we do. Except I think that this is a pretty common experience of marriages. I’m making a general blanket statement of all marriages based on one example. Mine.

We apologise. We forgive. There is more though.

We do need time to cool down.

We also need to debrief. Debriefing in the moment works sometimes except sometimes the solution is not possible because of our emotions. Emotions don’t just get solved.

So how do I finish an upsetting conversation?

Reassure my wife I love her. Kiss or hug or shoulder massage or wash the dishes. Then chill, take steps back and allow the situation to cool over.

Come back and talk without accusation. Don’t dig up old hurts but talk with a listening ear. Talk like people who have already forgiven.